Dear Future Hubby – Letter 3

Eru Iyawo


Darling, I am sure you are aware of the African culture that demands that the bridegroom present some items to the bride as part of the wedding customs. These items are usually displayed at the traditional wedding. In Yoruba culture, it is called Eru Iyawo. Yorubas are not particular about bride-price because they believe their daughter is not an item to be purchased. They return the bride-price and divert attention to the items the bridegroom’s family is meant to present.

Why this history lesson, you think? Simple, I want us to change history together. Some of the items presented normally include: suitcase, clothing items, shoes, bags, bible etc. That has worked well for a long time but we are in the jet age now and I think some drastic changes are needed. I know the bride’s family ends up with the better part of the goods eventually but since the Eru Iyawo is meant specifically for me-I mean, I’m the one who accepted your proposal, after all- I think I should have a say in what I want.

So, let’s do away with the clothes, shall we? I am not interested, I am sure I have a capable wardrobe already and of course, I can always upgrade it later. How about we substitute the clothes for a washing machine instead? No, don’t laugh. I know the quality of wedding gifts has improved over the last decade and we just may get one as our wedding gift but what if we don’t? Don’t feel insulted, honey, I know you are capable of providing me with a washing machine but I just think it is a better idea to have something useful as part of the items. Then, you won’t have to buy it again when we get married.

We could do dishwasher too, vacuum cleaner; you know, those things that will make my life as a wife easier. I am not averse to bags and shoes either, jewellery should do just fine. How about some latest gadgets too? Ipad will probably not be in vogue anymore but we can do its equivalent. Latest phones, a camera; items that I will really use in my marriage. Shouldn’t that be the whole idea anyway since it is because you want to marry me that you are getting these items? It makes perfect sense for you to get items that will be useful to me.

I wouldn’t like you to think I’m being unreasonable. I can understand if you are discouraged by the stress that getting these items might involve especially since it will be in the period when we are planning our wedding. You can choose to get a car instead, that will save you stress. Honey, I’m perfectly aware that I have a car already but there is no harm in getting a better one and there is no law against having two cars. I’m just trying to be considerate here.

Surely, you don’t think I’m materialistic, this is quite simply a case of scale of preference and opportunity cost. You do agree with me that clothes and what have you will be totally unnecessary when there are better choices, right? Perfect! Let’s change history together, darling.

With Love,

Your expectant future wife.


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